GROUND RULES

A SLIP OF THE MIND 4 The Ground Rules Good morning, afternoon, evening or whatever your time might be. My name is Tabu Bin Tabu a CEO of an hustling company involved in mass noise making, uncoordinated scripting called scribbling and some other unpaid errands. I have heard that some people are paid for scribbling on pieces of paper. I wonder if those who pay them have nothing to do with their money. When I enrolled in a primary school long time ago, my teacher told me that the benefits I would get for attending school are Reading Writing and Arithmetic. I achieved that by the time I killed the school. There is no need of complaining that 8.4.4 did not achieve its goal as far as I am concerned. Even those complaining about it have nothing against it. They know quite well that it has produced well read people like me. To remind you, this is my fourth article in this series. The articles did not follow one another on weekly basis or yearly. They are staggered irregularly within three years. You know a human mind cannot slip on regular intervals and if it does, sometimes it slips while you are sleeping and there is no paper or pen readily available for you to write on. This is a diary on which I scribble what is happening in my life. Things do not happen regularly therefore, I could not write regularly. My diary The Slip of The Mind only happens when my mind slips and a writing urge is triggered and a piece of paper is available. I therefore don’t expect anybody to pay me for exercising the power of reading, writing and arithmetic I acquired in school. Have you been given powers to read this article? If not don’t worry, one day you will read it. Oh no, I had forgotten you have read up to this point. Gather energy to read it all regardless... People have called me different names depicting my writing. So my full name is Tabu Bin Tabu aka Ustadh, Malenga, Manju, Noise Maker, Mtukutu na kadhalika. Born yesterday and long ago. Near the Eastern slopes of a big mountain. I have a degree called Bed (arts) Basic Education in (Arithmetic). I am not a simple man. I am a company’s CEO, a senior hustler, uncoordinated scribbler and a notorious noise maker. I am the chairman of Tabu internal government comprising of I the chairman, my wife Matha The Walking Stick, my children Rembo, Chiriku and Toto. Mimi nakalia serikali yangu sawasawa. Being the chairman I belong to the ruling party the Masculine Party and my vice chair belongs to the opposition party the Feminine Party. We have drafted the katiba which was not promulgated because I was overwhelmingly beaten by the opposition due to their numbers. So I the chairman using the powers bestowed upon me by the virtue of being a Masculine, postponed the final drafting and eventual promulgation citing lack of equal representation on the side of Masculine party. In order to get above thirty percent representation for all parties there should be ground rules. We have now finalized our ground rules to enable the final drafting. We have divided the Tabu holding into shares and each one of us has votes representing our shares. Toto the youngest has one vote, Chiriku has two and Rembo three. Their mother due to her numerous names was given seven votes. That is Matha, Mama Toto, Mama Chiriku and Mama Rembo. The chairman who is the only bull around, the one and only Subul’s shares were tabulated according to what he owns in the company. He owns three children, therefore six votes, one wife, representing seven votes, pays the house rent; one vote, pays their school fees; one vote and buys what is needed in the house; one vote and his name one vote. Using the arithmetic I learnt we can say: 7 + 6 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 17. The company has 17 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 7 = 30, which is 100% shares. So I am the majority share holder therefore owning the exclusive veto vote on everything according to ground rules. I am looking forward to win in the final drafting vote. Though my company’s katiba is behind schedule to get promulgated, we are using the old one. The old katiba is faulty. It was drafted by our colonial masters, our parents. It is unable to shield my company from being infested by swam of locusts. It says one belongs to an extended family and the community. Being the only one with reading, writing and arithmetic skills I am understood to be able to calculate the cost of the sky rocketing kilo of unga and get a correct answer. Therefore, my cousins and name them have visited my place for various reasons this month. For me to calculate amount of their school fee, get the sum of their hospital bills and calculate something for their harambees. I have explained them in vain that a CEO of an hustling company and a chairman of Tabu holdings is as poor as a church mouse but they could hear none of it. One of them told me that people say that I write letters on the internet and everyone all over the world reads them including our son who is in charge of a rich country. He wondered why I could not ask them to send me some money through M-Pesa. I have decided to employ a lawyer who has the ability to explain to them that translating reading, writing and arithmetic into money is not guaranteed in today’s world. One writes for the sake of it and others read for pleasure and exams. Those with arithmetic skills can find themselves counting the drops of water in a river or stars. Before they finish counting it is day time and the stars are gone. My in-laws have invaded my home for other reasons. They have heard that I have set ground rules stipulating our company shares. I am the majority share holder owning my children and my wife. They have complained that I should not claim ownership of my wife because of unpaid dues. Having failed to pay the full dowry of half a million, I can’t get the seven shares for owning her. I can’t afford to lose those shares. I will lack the moral authority to command things. But I am bloke don’t you see. I need some assistance may be from the bill being prepared. I long for the bill that I have heard will strengthen my independence and reduce the influence of my in-laws. I think I will also have to seek advice from Kir on how to become independent for I hear he pulled it for the youngest African state. Cheers bwana. I had thought I would use to my advantage the overwhelming majority the members of opposition the Feminine Party. My basic arithmetic tells me that Toto is worth ½ a million, Chiriku 1 million and Rembo 2 million. I thought I am worth this much then these people spoiled my day by suggesting suitors can choose between paying dowry or not to pay. I am in dilemma. Should I support this or not? It is giving you and taking from you by the backdoor. No, pinga kabisa. The fact remains that am being pursued left right to the centre because of unpaid debts. My father Buda Marete and my mother Sabera have claimed that I used all the family’s income to gain writing, reading and arithmetic. They say other brothers and sisters were born after I had used all their money and so they could not go to school. They have hired an auctioneer to sell my household items. My brothers and sisters have branded me a wanted criminal. I need personal security for my life is in danger. ©Tabu Bin Tabu 2011

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